A Conversation

God – Do you know the purpose of being me?

Me – (thinking casually) What? You are not being anybody. You are not going to become anybody. You just are and you just will be till… you know, forever.

God – How do you now that?

Me – You are God right? (before he answers) Then just believe me.

God – Ok. But, even though I have the same feeling that what you say is actually true and I have answer to how everything was and how it will be, there is still something that is bothering me.

Me – Aren’t you supposed to be above all that bothering/not bothering stuff?

God – The point is that I am everything.  Even with you it is not me talking to me. It IS just me. The problem is that I/everything is in the habit of being (sic) in the moment to a deeply infinitesimal level. With that approach time is just nothing. Even millions, billions years can pass without noticing or getting bored.

Me – I think you are just being stupid. If you are always in the moment, how do you know everything, especially the future?

God – (smiling) I know ‘it’ is. It is in the moment and I am in the moment and without a cause it will not stop being in the moment. As I know all causes of the moment I know how it will be (stops short of calling me stupid, thank God for that :P).

Me – (sighing) Okay what was the thing bothering you anyways?

God – What to do?

Me – Just be (smiling), do nothing more.

God – So then I have nothing to do, just be and everything that will be will be. Basically you are saying that my fate is sealed. And as I am everything, the fate of the universe is sealed. Being God…(interrupted)

Me – I get it now, you just like Hrithik of Lakshya does not know ‘main aisa kyun hun’. Why is it the way it is? Why did you design the universe the way it is? Why not like a sea of air and with different rules of physics. What made you do… (interrupted)

God – Look, going by your concept of time, no matter how far back I go or how deep into the future I look, the fact remains, all that time just seems an infinitesimally small interval to me. And that robs me of the company of…time.

I am paralyzed to my own design.

Me – So?

God – Well, I asked you a question remember?

Me – I have two things to say to you:

               1.       I don’t know, and

               2.       Doesn’t matter

God - …

Me – Can I ask you something?

God – I think my alarm clock is ringing for sometime now.

(as I wake up and turn off the alarm I realize how creepy that God fellow was)

नज़राना

न खुदा हाफिज़ न अलविदा,
युहीं हम चल दिए थे

खुशामदीद करने वालों के हैं शुक्रगुज़ार,
और जो हैं अब तक रूठे उनको दुलार

क्या बताएं किसे समझाएं,
क्यूँ तो गए थे, क्या पा के आए हैं;
कुछ छोड़ा तो पाया था, कुछ पाकर खोते आये हैं

नासमझी की गलती में गए थे,
पर आए हैं लौटकर वहीँ मेरे प्यारे

कुछ बदला न बदला...
परवाज़ हो गए थे, आए हैं बह के

इसी ख़ुशी में है गम की,
बहते बहते अब रुक न पाएंगे
तेरा साथ हमेशा निभा न पाएंगे
मौका मिला तो नज़राने में अलविदा ज़रूर कह जायेंगे...

“I Love all and Serve all”

Lies and lies and lies everywhere
with faces of truth almost none to spare,
some know their own
leaving others forgone,
some know of all leaving the self bygone.

For once do we find a man into anything
that has to do with the truth something?

But all hell has not broken loose
for such false reasons make us feel them true;
all we know,
lies and lies and lies everywhere.

A broken marriage
shows the foremost strength to all;
a rocky family is the courageous one of all
for their work at the-front down south.

The holy church tames us down
with its superiority tainted with human fallacy;
The politicians serve us all
when at heart they do what they do for our fall;
A lover swears so deep
when in and out he even fears his own soul.

Even the most pious ones look layered
in this crazy world of us all.

For once give me the courage
atleast to face the man behind the mask,
the strongest one of all
who in his heart has even the lies justified.

I hope that will be the start of peace at the hearts of one and all.

Death note

I have seen the Jupiter, I have seen the stars,
the never ending human worlds at war.

So much still I not know,
numb I go with the time’s flow.

The search for it is long and shallow,
filling it up with shiny pieces of empty glow.

There is still hope that
all I have done will not come to an end;
death is not the end of anything
I hope they will understand about it something.

I am their light and they are my life,
still are those who understand it all,
God I pray they not be understood,
for there is no meaning to it all.

And sad it is for me,
if in hope of something they take the jump
all to know is everlasting me;
just I can’t do as they and say ‘goodbye, meet you in next life.’

Never will we be the same

Never will we be the same,
but together we will make one-game.

You’ll be you and
I’ll be me,
beauty being the difference again;
one that will make us ride
a wave of emotions and joys of life.

You be the sweet sensitive one,
and I’ll play the bastard, a cold hearted one.

Nothing to lose but everything to gain,
in this staying close and going far again;
the effort to keep us together over the long
only will keep us strong.

I won’t need you and you won’t long me,
but together we will stay strong,
and never call a name to this game.

End it comes

so many thoughts flyin inside of my head, a few come out rest get prison-ed within.

i am letting you out my love from within, no more cagin you within.

the hardest part of this new beginning is the end of what i was within...

the bus ride

Not enough time has passed
to find everything new & abyss
less, but sure it has seen a jump
from a child's familiarity to a boy's lonesome.

The time now ignores the boy who
stands gripping the pole, as
the bus zigzags in the city's haste.

Self aware of the 'bus & me',the
passing innocence asks why the violence so,
the faces looking out at nothing
the silence of them & him more so.

Casually still, he checks his father, standing
ahead in the crowd time and so,
wanting to ask 'how long'?

He knows the urge to flight,
back to the garden with the slide,
but he can't just cry for it, now
he puts a grown up face before.

Closing his eyes trying not to show
how he already knows, that the
bus stop will not be different more.

He wants to accept the boy more
alt he fears the confusion will grow.

This is how the boy stands
head high looking out for something.

Talk

It's 2:30 in the morning and i am lying face up in my bedroom when father comes up and asks me to shift over to other side of the bed, which i can't do because i am too hammered from the party before. So much so that i can't even ask for a glass of water when i feel like a 2 day old Mexican desert wanderer. Then energy comes with great effort and i do as requested; suddenly my eyes open and i see a curtain, 'hey these are not the ones at my house'. 'Oh, because i am at my friends apartment and all this was a dream'.
However some part of it was true as i really am hammered from the birthday party couple of hours ago and dying of thirst.
One weird part was that i was not able to do so as father requested because of 'sleep paralysis' and not the whisky. This is weirder so because 'sleep paralysis' happens to me only when i know i am sleeping and suddenly wake up minus the ability to move my body.
Anyhow, i drink some water and try getting back to sleep; something pops up as if i was thinking about it in my sleep. It's about first impressions and truth, the reality.

First impression is the last impression
I have always thought about 'first impression is the last impression'. Maybe because i am always curious about my first impression on the people i meet. But when i come to think about it, i always find myself pondering over first impression of the people i met and the impression i have of them after the last time i met them. End result is conclusion-less and not confusion, like trying to solve a 4 variable equation with tomato ketchup. This is not as bad as it may sound because i can still eat the maggie with ketchup which tastes fine to me. Example: I had sometimes seen a guy with friends of acquaintances at college and thought 'man this guy is shy, dumb and not so subtle'. Maintaining this impression from the very little information i got i ended up being surprised when i found myself in the middle of a discussion when the same guy was unloading about IInd WW, vaccination, wall street, publishing frauds, card games, medieval politics and what not. The impression began to change - seems more sophisticated with all the subtle details of his speech, definitely not a shy person and certainly doesn't seem dumb now.
Next year, we are at a party with other friends and after 2-3 rounds we all shoot pointless arrows of thoughts and ideas. That guy starts talking about books, Stalin and poetry in movies. He has read and seen so many of them. As he talks and arguments continue i realize that he takes everything he reads or sees, everything, so fucking seriously that it is depressing. I say may be my first impression was right.

Can i conclude that first impressions are indeed the last impressions. Are we so accurate at it? May be - Point 1. Point 2- We are so biased and limited that ultimately our own elements will overpower us to see someone else as what we want to see. We are so helpless that even after knowing and spending so much time with that person, so overt things will overpower us to see the person the same way we saw her the first time. Limited beings as human beings.

Point 3 - First impression is not the last impression because 'i feel so totally different about her from the time of my first meeting'. So impressions change and Point 2 seems pointless. Sounds good until someone says that last impression has not come yet!

Does that make sense Walter and what was all that shit about 'nam?

It's 3:40 in the morning and time to wake up from the dream.

'Maut ant hai nahi | To maut se bhi kyun darein | Ye jaake aasmaano mein dahaad do!'

"Aarambh hai prachand

Bolein mastakon ke jhund
Aaj jung ki ghadi ki tum guhaar do

Aan baan shaan
Ya ki jaan ka ho daan
Aaj ek dhanush ke baan pe utaar do

Man kare so pran de
Jo man kare so pran le
Wo wahi to ek sarv shaktimaan hai

Krishn ki pukaar hai ye
Bhaagwat ka saar hai
Ki yuddh hi to veer ka pramaan hai

Kaurawon ki bheed ho
Ya paandavon ka neer(d) ho
Jo lad sakaa hai wohi to mahaan hai

Jeet ki hawas nahi
Kisi pe koi vash nahi
Kya zindagi hai thokaron pe maar do

Maut ant hai nahi
To maut se bhi kyun darein
Ye jaake aasmaano mein dahaad do!

Wo dayaa ka bhaav yaki
Shaurya ka chunaav yaki
Haar ka wo ghaav tum ye soch lo

Yaki bhoore bhaal par
Jalaa rahe vijay ka laal
Laal ye GULAAL tum ye soch lo
Rang kesari ho ya mridang kesari ho
Ya ki kesari ho taal tum ye soch lo

Jis kavi ki kalpana mein
Zindagi ho prem geet
Us kavi ko aaj tum nakaar do

Bheegti maso mein aaj
Phoolti ragon mein aaj
Aag ki lapat ka tum bhaghaar do"

This song from Gulaal is a breath of fresh air with its impressive and meaningful lyrics. Not that we don't like songs like Dhan Te Nan but there has to be some variety in what Bollywood offers. Recently I read an article from Prasoon Joshi in a Hindi daily which talks about how producers do not appreciate originality in lyrics and music direction (for films and possibly for individual artist albums as well) but just want to stick to the set dhuns and some lyrics that can fit in. A reason why different genres of music have not developed very well in India like pop, country, jaaz, rock, etc. have in the west.

Anyway, congrats to Piyush Mishra for his brilliant lyrics and music direction, may it be a new Aarambh in bollywood.

happy suicide

the man with the gun is determined
he believes in something that will prevail,
the reign of the gun, world over.

his hands are steady for just a moment,
& that's when the trigger is pulled,
the all furious bullet is unleashed;
out of the barrel now & cursing the wind
mindless it goes singing its song.

it just has to hold on now;
the melting time gradually makes it slow,
and the nature trying to pull it below.

it hopes it's target is not far now,
and yes they meet - bang it enters, with
the flamboyant devastation of its force.

the victim cries 'suicide attack!'
the bullet is a happy martyr now,
loosing Everything to the enemy!... or
to the cause of the gun, only God will tell now.

Blue Sky

No other way to know
having seen the blue sky glow.

No other way to choose
the view doesn't let him loose.

None other it has to be
beautiful is the most it can be.

None other will it be;
for his love will be set free
to overpower anything which couldn't be;
there will be no doubts, the
self will deceive & ego mould if need be;
the will of desire will
let go fear by its force.

Just not a hope it is
but how he will fly into this sky.

Why is it easier for some to get things in life?

If we compare any two individuals we will observe that one of them got some things easily in life while the other had difficulties in getting or did not get them at all. The question is why? Some might answer ‘luck’, but still the question remains unanswered to me and I keep wondering why does it happen at all?

At this point we need to raise our view and question ‘how does getting one thing in a manner easier than others matter?’ The two individuals in comparison were trying to achieve/get some things for (?), happiness I suppose; we can also call it satisfaction (may be). The things can be as simple as food, water, money or as complex as family, friends, good environment or future security for getting/retaining these things. Now each of above things can bring happiness and/or satisfaction, that too for varying duration in one’s life.

But, does happiness come directly from these things or some something else? That something else I believe is mind. The human mind and the body as well are full of nature’s beauty, how at each level it is beautiful and amazing. With such inherent beauty, the mind also tries to build/create something beautiful and has the capability to appreciate beauty. It just identifies it in a moment.

So, the happiness is not these ‘things’ but mind’s ability to either create them or appreciate how a thing has created a beautiful situation, a beautiful combination of probable events that are now possible and how beautifully it is placed in space and time.

Now, it may seem that out of the two individuals in question if one gets food and other does not for a day, the former is getting things easily, is lucky and by our above analysis happy and satisfied as well. This may extend to some other higher order things in his life.

However, I say that the person who is getting food, family, friends, etc in life is not happy unless his mind realises and appreciates the beauty of these things/situations and urges itself to create something beautiful and ends up doing so. (Someone might have a lot of good things but not realizing their beauty/importance he may be unhappy in life)

As god has given the gift of thoughtful mind to everybody, it is upon us to use it and get connected with beauty of the world / get happiness. It’s just that our locations as individuals in this world are not same for they can’t be in a world created by god, otherwise he would have created only one life. What we all have to achieve is same (beauty) and all have equal opportunity in doing that (because of the mind).

So the question of why some people get things easily is of ignorance because what we seek is not in things but in ourselves.

...survived a blast!

Another blast in the city, some top shots hear it..
others enjoying a drink in a close by bar, come out to watch the scene..call a cab and head to another Bar to continue the 'Party'!
Next day they tell how close they were and how 'amazing' the Experience was! Are these people Indians? or they just living in India just to tell foolish stories. Atleast they are paying their taxes... because its the bare minimum that they Need to do. But wait, they are even searching how they can evade the tax, enjoy benefits of tax holiday.. fair enough its as per the Rules @#$#%^$%
Only concern is that how people become so detached from the Nation? Sometimes they say India needs a new class of politicians, just don't know how and when it will happen.

The Call

It happened all of a sudden
her name flashing, I took it out of the pocket
yes, she was calling me
... with so much happiness in her voice

We said ‘hi’ and shared a smile
she said sorry for what had not happened earlier
and I told her it’s alright
we carried on, talking like long lost friends

The moments were shared
and I could see a promise in her eyes
just don’t remember how it ended
for it was just a dream suspended...

Abridged with another scream
of a blown out window in the city of dreams
through the window I could see now... into the future
her voice fading into the sounds of my soil groaning

Yes I will reach for the phone later and take the Call now.

Midnight ramble - may be it means something...

It has been a long time now that I have seen another program on the military might of US on the Discovery Channel; 'military power' was always proved through an elaborate elucidation of the various craft, missiles, guns US forces have.

One reason for a long break from the seemingly US might on TV has been growing interest in movies, music and all that has left me watching less than 5 hours of TV per week now.

Anyway, the topic is the US foreign (aggression) policy:

• Does it want to be a global force? - yes
• Is it insecure of the growing economies (such as BRIC) and the Islamic ..... people ? - YES
• Is it an economy with too much money for defence related toys; does it want to stop THINKING and possess something fearing which no one will revolt against them (makes life easier for the Pentagon)? - exactly, that's my point.

So, now we have ( bloodshed on the Wallstreet and a dwindling economy - which has even lead to playboy coming up with an edition of "Women of WallStreet" , good idea i would say) this US defence budget that is XXX times more than countries such as XXX (i won't use exact numbers, need to put the source then, but its 10-50 times than most countries).
We know how bad they have fought (and are fighting)the Iraq and Afghan wars. Looks like they want to forget how real wars are fought and just go ahead with their 'run over' attitude.
... god save America!

changing the past knowing the truth

Never thought of changing the past have i
always remembered happy thoughts have i

always have scrutinized the present i
shaping it into a gift of the future have i

... but once, oh for once have this wish of going back i
into the past, knowing it is a true love between you and i

remembering my goddess and hoping for honesty in eyes...
a wish of telling you your beauty in my eyes have i

this wish is a face of reality or I
a contradiction of fantasy as reality, thinking am i

but the fantasy of reality grows and,
love of my love grows over the I

my heart says mesmerized
I wish i was back there...
I wish i had told her...

Now thinking of changing the past am i...

search

Is it a search for you only
occasionally throwing the mind lonely

..living with what you have found
not knowing when it goes unbound
and awakened when it goes bitter

watch the sand slip out to land
just when it was tight in hand! asking;
whether it was in you or you...?

new day leaves new mark
gets you a reason to start!
reawakens the old new charm

but... feeling the pressed chest
buries you deep in crest
not able to slow the clocking numb

you... kill it's stem
praising a wit, running for an end!
no new flowers give the glow

thinking the search ends...
again the malady of search transcends.